Choosing Life For Your Marriage

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When you married your spouse, if you were like most people, you were "in love".  And sometimes those feelings begin to diminish.  The reason these feelings can diminish is because being "in love" is an infatuation, a feeling.  And like all feelings, it can come and go.  


Surprisingly, love is not a feeling.  

Love is an action.

 Love is a choice.  

When people say they have "fallen out of love", well they are no different than anyone else because the novelty and infatuation, the lust, wears off and often goes away with the day to day grind of life.  The difference between people who stay loving one another and those who do not comes down to choices.  The choice to love.  Choosing to love when you do not "feel like it" or you feel that your spouse "doesn't deserve it" is what actually keeps your love alive.  It is in those difficult moments when you want to give up, but choose to love anyways, that you actually experience transformation in your marriage.  


So what does "choosing to love" look like?

 It is choosing to stay silent when you want to "go off".

 It is choosing peace over war.

 It is choosing to be positive when you want to be negative.

 It is choosing kindness and gentleness.  

Choosing to succeed over failure.

 Choosing to be humble.  

Choosing resolution over a win.  


Choosing to love is choosing to remove yourself in order to grow and transform your marriage.  And in doing so, you will experience an added benefit of growth and transformation within yourself! 

For more information on choosing love and growing in marriage, my husband and I have a new podcast called the Marriage Grind and you can check it out by clicking here

xo Crystal

P.S. I know this isn’t easy, marriage is difficult, which is why my husband and I offer marriage coaching. If you’re interested in receiving help or learning more about marriage coaching, send me an email click here



COPYRIGHT © 2019.  ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

Overcoming Perfectionism

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Perfectionist.

I am definitely what I call a self proclaimed, recovering, perfectionist. I am also an imperfect woman. Overcoming perfectionism is something that I have worked on for many years, but not with the intensity or in the way that I have within the last couple of years. I have really embraced my imperfection, and if I had not, there would be no blogposts, no website, no social media posts, and no podcast episodes from me.

What I learned and embraced is that I can still make an impact and I can still be powerful even in my imperfections! Even in my imperfections I have the ability to make a positive impact on this world, and I am more powerful with the imperfections than without. This realization came and through the understanding is when I truly was able to tap into the internal power and overcome the fear of not being perfect.

I wish I could say there was a memory or a pivotal moment in hostory where perfectionism was birthed for me, but I can't specifically identify where that perfectionism really started. What I do know is that I have experienced a mindset if perfectionism as long as I can remember. In childhood I had a desire to please my parents and I didn't want to seem like I wasn’t living up to something that I felt was important, necessary, or what they wanted. This perspective was formed regardless of whether they communicated that expectation to me or not. It had less to do with them and factual events, and instead was my belief and perception of something. As an adult I attended college and developed a career, which I know perpetuated this idea of needing to be perfect.

So really what is perfectionism?

Being perfect is about a perspective. Just like art. Art is about perspective that is held by the individual. So often it's the idea of perfectionism that we personally conjure up in our minds, and it is rooted in fear.

So how could perfectionism be rooted in fear?

It’s preventing you from doing the things that you need to do. It’s procrastination. This is the realization that you need to grasp. Once I realized that the thought of needing perfection, is really procrastinating, it opened up my eyes.

The procrastination comes from a belief that things have to be perfect based on a perspective that may be rooted in facts, but is usually not, rather it is rooted in fear. And when we seek perfection, we actually stunt our growth, miss opportunities, and limit the ability to transform our life and the lives of others around us. That is not to say a perfectionist doesn’t seek excellence, but there is a difference between excellence and perfection. The difference is in the action.

Perfectionists want to gather all the information, get all the knowledge, and wait until the conditions are perfect. However, the thing is, it's never going to be perfect. Also, it's probably never going to feel like the right time in the mind of the perfectionist. I know what it’s like, we can get in our way, because in our minds there is a perception that we have of what perfection is and what it means to be successful. Perfectionists fear failing. Perfectionists fear falling short.

Progression is more important than perfection and done is better than perfect, because done will accomplish way more than waiting around for perfection. Often times perfectionists don’t do something becasue they think other people won’t think it’s perferct or even “good enough”. But your progress, your choices, your decisions, your purpose is none of their business. If someone gives an opinion, their opinion, and it doesn't fit, then dust it off and let it go. The problem is that often times the opinion of others validates the thoughts or fears that we already had; however, it is formed in a perspective and it doesn’t define a your worth or value.

The simple answer to overcoming perfectionism is to take action.

For more information on conquering hidden fears you can listen to the Convos with Crystal podcast episode by clicking here

xo Crystal

P.S. I know this isn’t always easy, which is why I offer individual and group coaching. If you’re interested in learning more about my life and or leadership coaching program I would love to hear from you, just click here



COPYRIGHT © 2019.  ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.



Conquering Hidden Fears

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Something that is often times not discussed when desiring to become a better version of yourself is the impact of fear. I know it well because I've experienced it. Not too long ago my word for the year, that is my mantra for everything I did that year, was FEARLESS. It doesn't mean you have no fear. Fearless means you are fearing less. It means even in the face of feeling fear, you courageously step out in action. For me, in each season of my life, and each professional endeavor, I've experienced fear. Fear is something that we often don’t recognize consciously and the unconscious fear can lead to missed opportunities and prevent us from reaching the success we desire.

When you can identify the fear but not dwell on it, that's when you can tap into the power. I have done it and I know that you've done it as well, but you may not always recognize it. Fear actually prevents us from changing and transforming into the person that we want to be. It prevents us from meeting our goals and succeeding in specific areas. So right now, I encourage you to look at the different areas of your life and the different seasons of your life to identify where you have experienced fear. Then break down those experiences into categories of where you've conquered fear, and where you're still allowing fear to rule over that area of your life. This exercise will bring some clarity.

Fear comes in many forms including physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual. It is common to have fear of the unknown such as fearing a new stage of life. It is also common to fear the opinions of others. I have seen more individuals stay stagnant because they fear what other people will think, than any other fear. The fear that you experience is a mindset that is preventing you from taking action.

If fear is a mindset, then how do you conquer fear?

By taking action! Yes, you need to take action.

Remember those areas in which you've already conquered fear? You removed the poswer of fear by taking action. It doesn’t mean that you didn’t have any fear, it means that the action you took superseded any ruminating thoughts. The mind is a powerful tool, and if you can overcome those fearful and ruminating thoughts in your mind, then you can just take action and overcome the fear. Fear tells you that there are areas you don't have control over, that you don't have power over, but you do have the power. There is power inside of you that gives you the strength you need to take action. Ruminating negative thoughts around fear is what removes your power, however, action produces power to overcome and conquer those inhibiting thoughts and beliefs.

What you must understand is that the power to transform cannot compete with negative thoughts. The strength and power within you is not going to compete with those type of thoughts. So if you're ruminating on negative thoughts and negativity, then you cannot activate your power. Your power is actually activated by things that are true, not worries, not negativity, and not hurtful thoughts or rumination. You're power is actually activated not only by action, but on how and who you were created to be.

What is your purpose? That answer lies in your passion.

So if you know something to be untrue, and if you know that those things that you fear, those thoughts, and worrying about what other people are thinking, know this….you weren't created to worry about what other people are doing because that's what prevents you from actually stepping into your passion and your purpose. If you’re worried about what other people think, that's what is preventing you from actually taking action. I want to encourage you to stop thinking about what others think because

You do not need anyone's permission to be who you were created to be, to fulfill your purpose and passion in life. Stop giving your power away to other people. The moment you start thinking about their opinions and their thoughts, that’s when you have given it away.

You get to choose, and you either keep your power or you give it away. In order to conquer your hidden fears you have to realize that you hold the power (in your mindset), and then you must take action to negate those fears.

For more information on conquering hidden fears you can listen to the Convos with Crystal podcast episode by clicking here

xo Crystal

P.S. I know this isn’t always easy, which is why I offer individual and group coaching. I have seen so many people breakthrough barriers towards success during coaching sessions. If you’re interested in learning more about my life and or leadership coaching program I would love to hear from you, just click here

COPYRIGHT © 2019.  ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

Your Most Valuable Asset

Photo by joey graham

Photo by joey graham

What is your most valuable asset?

Generally when people think about their most valuable assets, they think about things they own such as their home. A big problem with that is most people have a mortgage and don’t actually own their homes outright. If you have a mortgage, then you don’t technically own your home because you share ownership with the mortgage company.

Some people think their kids are the most valuable asset they have, which is also not true because children grow up and become adults who live out their own lives.

The most valuable asset you have is time. It’s not money, or things, or relationships. Time is the only asset you cannot replace or reproduce because once it has past, it is gone forever. The mortality of time is the exact reason it is imperative to protect it in your life.

So now what?

Here are some actions you can take:

  • Protect your time by eliminating the things that are not in alignment with your goals and vision for your life.

  • Prioritize your time and schedule according to those goals first.

  • Learn to say “no” to things, events, and relationships that don’t align with your values and goals.

  • Evaluate your schedule, time, and focus often; then adjust where needed.

The good news is that you are in charge of your time. If you are living a life that feels draining and is sucking the energy out of you, you have the power to change it!

I want to encourage you today to clarify your goals, evaluate how you are spending your time, and then adjust as needed. This is imperative in order for you to live according to your vision, and avoid looking back on your life 40 years from now wishing you had been more intentional with your time.

xo Crystal

P.S. I know this isn’t always easy, which is why I offer individual coaching. I have seen so many people breakthrough barriers towards success during coaching sessions. If you’re interested in learning more about my individual coaching program I would love to hear from you, just click here

COPYRIGHT © 2019.  ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

Learning To Have It All

Photo by Valentina Conde

Photo by Valentina Conde

I know you have dreams inside of you. In fact, I am willing to bet that you have such BIG dreams inside of you that if they actually came true, it might even scare you. Unfortunately, we are taught somewhere along the line that we cannot have everything we desire when it comes family, career, hobbies, finances, relationships…insert your biggest desires here. We adopted the belief that the “all” is unattainable.

That is a myth. You actually can have it all. ⁣

I believed for many years that the only way I could have it all was to do it all and be it all. That is how many of us live our lives, even though we know that is not sustainable or attainable, yet we try to make it work. Then when we are overwhelmed, burned out, and feeling lost leading to a feeling of defeat, fading dreams, and clouded vision.

What I learned when I came to this place is that my perspective was off. I was focused on doing the all and having it all on my own energy and all right now when the answer was that I could have it all…just not all right now!

The idea that we have to do it all now or we will miss all opportunities, is a mind trap.

There are steps and stages to “getting it all”. It’s a process and you have to be willing to go through the process, be patient, be confident, and persevere. Focusing on what matters the most at this point in time, and focus energy there until the time comes to move forward or move on. This is when you will see all of your dreams come to fruition!

xo Crystal

 

COPYRIGHT © 2019.  ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

Multiple Paths to a Destination

Photo by Nicolas Cool

Photo by Nicolas Cool

Imagine you are on vacation and set out on a path to find that beautiful waterfall you saw in the brochure months ago when you booked your vacation.

You stopped at the tourist center and are given specific directions of the easiest path to take and are given a map with check points.

You are walking the path, engulfed in viewing your surroundings and distracted by your thoughts. About 1/2 way down the path you realize something happened, and you are not where you’re supposed to be looking at the map given to you. You made some kind of mistake, like a wrong turn, but you have no idea how or what happened.

Now you have two thoughts:

  1. You can keep walking and find a different path to get to that beautiful waterfall.

  2. You can stop, turn back, and abandoned the journey despite your dream of the destination.

You decide to continue walking and look for the waterfall. There are some moments when you feel anxiety and fear while walking through rough terrain, and at times you feel like you are completely lost. However, despite the anxiety and fear, you keep moving forward and you arrive at the destination.

Photo by Katarzyna Gonsior

Photo by Katarzyna Gonsior

The path was not how you planned at the beginning, but you still arrived at your destination.

You did not quit and you experienced even more beautiful things than you expected to experience, and you realized you have more strength and perseverance than you thought.

Just like the path to the waterfall, there are many paths to achieve your goals.

The paths toward your life and business goals do not need to be the same paths as someone else. There is not one correct path for every person, at every time, in every journey. Your path may be chosen at the starting point, or it may be chosen during the journey.

The adjusted path still leads to the destination, and a wrong turn may just lead you to experience even more than you ever imagined.

xo Crystal

 

COPYRIGHT © 2019.  ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

Your Mind Has More Power Than You Think

Your mind is powerful.

You can change your life dramatically simply by changing the narrative. You change the narrative by changing the thoughts you think. Everything else follows suit. ⁣

Yes, it’s that simple and that complex all in one. Your brain actually takes cues from your mind. So however you think you are “wired” you can actually change the “wiring” in your brain. ⁣

Activating power thoughts, consistently over time, can reproduce an entirely new schema than your mind is used to and will override the old with the new. ⁣

Your mind is always doing something whether you are aware of it or not. The way to change your life is to actively take a role in detoxing your mind from the negative, unhealthy, unproductive, and harmful thoughts. You detox by replacing it with growth producing, positive, healthy, and productive thoughts on a consistent, long-term basis.

xo Crystal

 

COPYRIGHT © 2019.  ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

Christianity 101

Photo by  Aaron Burden

Photo by Aaron Burden

Social media has given us ways to stay connected, and consume information in greater quantities and with greater speed than ever. The negative side to that however, is what I often see…an increase in negativity, comparison, and judgment. Following Christ, demonstrating Christ-like behaviors, and teaching children what christianity is in a multi-faceted, digital, social media frenzy world, can feel complex and daunting. However, the foundation is quite simple!

Love God. Love people.

Live your life with those two goals and you’ve got Christianity down! ⁣

Too simple, right? It’s not, but the problem is that many christians are living by their interpretation of Biblical law, and basing their actions on that interpretation. ⁣So let me break it down further.

We are called to love.

Not to be legalistic

Not to judge

Not force religion on people

Not to make agendas

Not to “play a part”

Not to be perfect

⁣We are called simply to LOVE which includes

Your neighbor⁣ who has different beliefs

Your co-worker who is struggling

People who don’t look like you, talk like you, choose like you, behave like you.

So if someone asks you, “what is being a Christian?” You can sum it up like this:

Loving God and loving people. Period. End of story.

xo Crystal

 

COPYRIGHT © 2019.  ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

Take a Step Back to Launch Forward

Crystal Westfield

Crystal Westfield

STEP BACKS ARE NOT SETBACKS.

There is so much going on in our lives.

So much noise in the form of social media and media in general.

So much busyness with work and family tasks.

So much demand on our minds, on our time, and our lives these days.

Sometimes in order to ultimately reach your goals, you need to take a step back. Taking a step back may require you to stand still initially. Placing certain tasks on hold for a time. Placing certain visions and goals on hold. Tasks that seemed to be a good idea, but you are no longer satisfied with, don’t have a fuzzy feeling for, and are unclear on what you are doing or why you are doing it.

There are sometimes when you need to move beyond standing still, and actually take a bigger step back. Taking a bigger step back means completely eliminating the task or goal that is no longer serving you or your vision. This may come in the form of a single task or a set of tasks.

Taking a step back may be an internal decision because you have a prompting or a realization that what you are doing is no longer serving you and your vision. The step back may have been required by external factors; such as unforseen circumstances or at the direction of someone else of authority.

The great news is that step backs don’t have to be setbacks, and you are in control of whether or not the change launches you forward towards your goals and vision. Step backs are a good time to reflect, re-center, gain perspective, and plan for a new launch forward! When things are no longer aligning, it may be for a variety of reasons. It may be an indication of the need to redirect or revise the goal.

I remember when I started feeling uncomfortable at my job. I was working hard, serving people, and I had just accomplished an amazing task of getting my license as a Marriage and Family Therapist which came with great effort, great committment, years of struggle, and passing 2 state board exams following 2 years of accelerated courses and another 5 years of internship hours. I was ecstatic at this accomplishment and just knew that I would be more valued, and would receive a promotion.

But that didn’t happen. Not only did my employer not give me a promotion, they barely offered me an increase in compensation. The offer for a pay increase was about $200 a month. That’s it. I had accomplished something my direct supervisor had not even accomplished, and had worked long hours, been on-call 24/7 to help clients in need, and had served the staff and families for many years. I thought I would have been more valuable, and I was….just not to them. So I gave my resignation without another job lined up.

This was a step back, not a setback. I was in control and decided to start my own private practice. Financially, it was a HUGE step back, and it was a risk. However, what that did was launch me into my destiny, my vision, my goal of being an entrepreneur and having time freedom. That was the end of February, 2011 and 8 years ago as of the date I am writing this blogpost.


There are times that a step back will feel like a setback, even when you make the decision, because there are no guarantees that the next plan will work. I experienced a roller coaster of emotions in those 8 years, and I even closed my private practice to move on to the next thing. It will probably never be “ideal” in situation or circumstance, however, it is YOUR choice to grow and launch forward from the step back and allow it to propel you towards your vision, your goals, your dream.

I want to encourage you today, whether it is a job, a relationship, activities you scheduled for you kids, a negative word that was said about you, or an unforseen situation…YOU have the control to step back, evaluate, re-center, and prepare yourself to launch forward in the way of a comeback that is bigger, better, and a demonstration of your growth!

I hope this blessed you today, and if you are interested in receiving more tips and tools, inspiration and motivation through emails, you can sign up here

xo Crystal

 

COPYRIGHT © 2019.  ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

On Love

Photo by  Clem Onojeghuo
Love is not an emotion. Love is an action, which must be chosen daily.
— Crystal Westfield

Love is an action word.  Love is a choice.  Love is a command.  True Love does not hurt, but it does challenge, it does stretch you, it does heal and it does restore.  Love endures all things.  Love does not give up.  Love is not the giddy or butterfly feeling that you get when you see a cute guy or girl.  Love is God-centered.  No matter what you believe or what your religious or spiritual views are the fact is....God created you out of love and you were designed to love God and to love others.  

Love is staying up all night to work out an issue.  

Love is NOT turning over, saying "whatever" and going to sleep. 

Love is choosing to apologize even when you think you're right. 

Love is NOT waiting for the other person to "come around" or "gain some sense". 

Love is thinking about what is better for the whole unit. 

Love is NOT thinking about winning or what is better for self. 

Love is giving to others. Love is NOT giving to self first and to others later. 

Love is gentle touches. Love is NOT heavy hands and physical pain.

Love is kind words. Love is NOT name calling, using profanity, and putting others down.

Love is a way of life. Love is NOT just a word you say to get what you want.

Love is NOT a feeling. Love is action.

The solution is love. Love is at times ugly, bloody, and gruesome because loving means being in the trenches.  Think about Jesus on the cross...bloody, bruised, and broken.  That was true, unconditional, selfless love!  It was not pretty, it was not fun, and it was not convenient. But it was the ULTIMATE SACRIFICE for you and for me.  

What if we truly loved one another?  

I challenge you to search your heart and your actions, and make a commitment to truly love others.

xo Crystal

 

COPYRIGHT © 2019.  ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

You, My Dear, Are Powerful

One of the most difficult things for me to watch, both personally and professionally, is when women respond as if they are powerless.  Now, I'm not saying that we never feel powerless, you know when our kids are hurt or sick and we feel powerless because we cannot make it go away at that moment.  No, I'm talking about when the attitude, mindset, and behaviors of women are in alignment with powerlessness when they actually have power.  They are not powerless. I am not powerless. You are not powerless.

See there is an epidemic of women feeling powerless which is the reason for the recent projects and press as of late.  I love that as women we can feel united and there is an outcry, because I have also been violated, hurt, harassed, and felt powerless.  Though there may have been things that were done to me, I was never actually powerless, but I didn't know that at the time.  See we all have power inside of us.  Most of us can access it in different areas of our lives, but in certain places, you know those places we try to protect, those vulnerable places, we feel like we don't have power.

This idea of powerlessness has led many women to not only label themselves as victims, but continue to victimize themselves.  The power is not in replaying the circumstance, situation, or event over and over. The power is in moving on.  The power is in the mind and deep within the soul.  It's the power that generates forgiveness when it isn't deserving, and love where hatred would seem a whole easier.  The power, their power, my power, your power....is and has always been there, and in the right environment and with the right tools, it can be accessed. In fact, the more you access, the easier it is.  The power that you accessed to succeed in school is the same power that you access to succeed at work.  The same power to succeed in your work is the same power accessed to succeed in relationships, parenting, health, fitness, and finances. 

The problem, you see, is not that we are powerless but that we have yet to access the power in that particular area of our lives.  Think about the areas where you have strength and where you thrive, that is where you are accessing your power.  The areas where you are weak, it's just a matter of tapping into that same power you access for your strengths.  It is actually very simple, but that doesn't mean it's easy.  This takes practice, and usually the breaking down of barriers and perceived limitations.  You can access this power for all areas of your life.  

So remember when you come upon a situation, a circumstance, or an event in which you cannot control and feel powerless against, just know that there are things you can control including how much power you give away.  You always have a choice in your thoughts, your words, your mindset, your behaviors.  The more you give away to someone else, the less power you keep for yourself.  So the next time you're in one of those situations just remember that no matter what comes your way or what you face.....

YOU, MY DEAR, ARE POWERFUL

xoxo Crystal

 

If you need some extra help believing just how powerful you are, or accessing your full power to overcome the hurt and pain you've experienced, I am here to help you tap into that inner-power you have inside of you right now! It's time to invest in you!  Just click here now!

 

COPYRIGHT © 2018.  ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

Ensuring Success in 2018

Photo Cred: Norwood Themes

Photo Cred: Norwood Themes

 

As we enter into a New Year, many of us will make New Year’s Resolutions.  The problem with resolutions is that few of these resolutions made by Americans actually stick by mid-year.  I encourage you to develop a vision and establish goals for the New Year rather than resolutions. Successful people have a vision and successful businesses know the value of a well-written mission statement.

 

What is the difference between a resolution and a goal?

 

New Year’s Resolution: A promise to yourself for the new year, usually spoken verbally and sometimes announced to others.

A Goal: A written declaration of a desired result with a timetable and measurable outcome.

The success of an individual’s vision is more likely to be accomplished if there is a clear statement of goals ahead of time.  The same inspiration and motivation that companies have through their mission statement is the same that you need for your own ambitions.  You need to proclaim a vision and specific goals to support that vision for yourself and embrace it with enthusiasm.  Declaring something as so, brings it into existence.  The vision is spoken, the vision is proclaimed, and it will come to be as it is written.  Yes, it happens just that way!

What is a vision?  A vision is an example of moving from doing to being.  When you work on the goals (the steps toward your vision) you move from doing things to being what you envisioned.  The vision statement you create and proclaim will allow you to overcome short-term difficulties by looking at long-term possibilities.

Vision: “I will be physically healthier”.

 

Identify Specific and Measurable Goals

The goals and vision are something you want, not something you don’t have.  Make affirmations (strong, positive statements) that something is already so! 

 

What does that look like?

Instead of saying: “I need to lose 20 pounds this year!” or “I will stop eating junk food!”

Say: “I eat more vegetables each week and exercise at least 1 hour per week”. 

 

Notice that these statements of goals are focused on the positive.  When we make statements of what we won’t do or deprivation statements (I will not do this), it translates to a sense of loss in our brains instead of a sense of gain. Do not worry that you are not there yet.  You may not eat more vegetables yet or exercise at all, but if you make the statement as if you are already doing it...you are much more likely to become that!

 

Vision: “To get out of debt”

Instead of Saying: “I will stop spending money on things I don’t need”

Say: “I pay an extra $50 towards the credit card each month”

 

What you say is your measurable goal! You can get out of debt (vision) by paying an extra $50 each month above the minimum payment due (measurable goal).  You will have to complete the calculations ahead of time to determine whether or not you will meet your long-term goal (get out of debt by the end of the year) by creating your short-term goal (pay the extra $50/month).  If it cannot be done in a year, then you need to make adjustments to your statements.  You can get out of debt, and maybe it takes 2 years instead of 1 year.  You can get healthier, and maybe it takes 3 years for the total vision to come to pass. Or maybe you actually complete your goal ahead of schedule because you increased your actions consistently.  Consistency in action, the knowledge to accomplish the tasks related to the goal, and a positive attitude and mindset are all you need to succeed and reach OR EVEN EXCEED your goals this year!

 

If you are realistic and write down positive, specific, measurable goals, you can experience a transformation in 2018 AND a transformation in your life!  I challenge you to start now! This can be your best year, once you decide it is and take those consistent actions.

If you need some extra help setting and meeting your goals, I am here to help you tap into that inner-power you have.  Just click here now!

 

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

xoxo Crystal

 

 

COPYRIGHT © 2018.  ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

 

Words of Life for Your Marriage

Photo by Ben White

Photo by Ben White

 

I have counseled hundreds of marriages and it is clear that the marriages which withstand circumstances are the ones who have life spoken over it. Those marriages that fail are those which received words of death. What are words of death? Divorce, hate, resentment, anger, bitterness, anything negative. Words of life speak of hope, love, kindness, patience, peace, gentleness, never failing, never giving up. The moment someone says they are "done" is the moment the power of death comes to a marriage. Marriage is a commitment, a covenant for life and the moment divorce is spoken, death is brought to the marriage. Negativity turns sickness into death! 

Choosing growth and transformation brings life to a marriage. Choosing to speak positively instead of negatively despite what you see in the natural and despite the circumstances, brings life and overcomes the infirmities in the marriage. It brings healing where there is sickness.  If you have ever felt "fed up" with your partner, hopeless about your marriage, and considered separation or divorce, you should look at the words that you speak about your marriage and over your spouse. 

I challenge you to examine your words.  What you speak is a direct result of the condition of your heart.  I challenge you to look at yourself, rather than your spouse.  I challenge you to choose life over death.  To choose life-giving words such as those you spoke at your ceremony..."I do".  I do want a healthy marriage.  I do believe we can get through this.  I do maintain my commitment in sickness and in health.  I do forgive.  I will move forward.  We will grow in our marriage.  We will experience a complete transformation! 

 

Does the thought of speaking words of life over your spouse and your marriage feel overwhelming? Do you feel that your relationship has needs beyond what you can presently do? You are not alone and i can offer you additional support. if would like some extra help through relationship coaching click here

xoxo Crystal

The Power of Your Words as a Parent

Photo by London Scout

Photo by London Scout

I have counseled hundreds of children, youth, and parents over the years and one thing that proves consistently true:

THERE IS POWER IN YOUR WORDS!

As a parent, your words either bring life or death to your child. They either build up or tear down. They either instill confidence or instill fear. Produce hope or produce anxiety. People outside of your home will try and tell your child who he is or who she should be. They will only develop a positive sense of self and feel secure in themselves if they know who they are first!


The old saying goes, "Sticks and stones can break my bones, but words will never hurt me!"  Many children have sung that tune on the playground for generations. The problem with this is, that it's simply not true!  If words didn't hurt, then why does research show that emotional abuse is more harmful than physical abuse?  Why are children who are bullied verbally, commit suicide or homicide-suicide?  Because, actually, there is a great power in words!


As parents, we have a responsibility to speak positive, affirming words to our children.  This may mean you have to go against traditional parenting in your family.  For some, strength-based language was not spoken in their home growing up.  If that was you, it may be more challenging.  Now, I am not talking about avoiding discipline with your children.  To discipline means to teach.  It is important to teach your children right from wrong by speaking in truth from a place of strength and positivity.  Empower children through your empowering words to them.


Speaking life to your children means telling them that they are beautiful inside and out.  That they are perfectly able and capable.  That they are gifted and talented.  That they are uniquely purposed for something only they can do.  That they are loved, valued, and important.  That mistakes and failures do not define them.  Teach them to follow directions, but not to be followers of the crowd. Teach them to be leaders, to stand up for what is right.


Parenting is not easy, but if you speak life over your children consistently, throughout their childhood, parenting will be much easier because the influences of the world will not be able to penetrate their hearts or their souls.  I worked with foster youth for over a decade and saw how difficult it was for most of them to believe others when positive things were spoken over them. Why? It was because their parents, whether verbally or through their actions, told them they were worthless.  As a parent, you have a strong voice in the head of your child.  You have a huge responsibility to raise your children to be healthy in mind, body, and spirit.  Healthy growth and transformation starts by ensuring that the language spoken in your home, and to your children, remains positive and life-giving.  Your children will reflect what you model. Never underestimate the power of your words! 

Photo by Crystal Westfield

Photo by Crystal Westfield

Power Thoughts Bring Forth Power Words!

Empowering Words, Empower Children!

xoxo Crystal

Transformation During a Storm

In life there are storms.  Storms come in many forms such as physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual.  Storms can feel overwhelming, chaotic, and dark.  Often in the darkest times of our lives it is difficult to see light.  Transformation comes not in the lightest of times, but in the darkest of times. The challenge is in seeing the light amidst the storm by filtering out the thoughts, feelings, and behaviors that cloud the light. 

The first step is to change your thoughts.  Thoughts are the battle ground for emotions and behaviors.  If you can successfully change your thoughts by focusing on positives, strengths, and abilities, then you can begin to change your behaviors and feelings.  Thoughts impact both feelings and behaviors.  Although they are all linked together, it is not necessary to change your feelings prior to your behaviors.

Have you ever felt like staying home from work, but you went to work anyways?  You may not "feel like" getting out of bed, but you do, because you are actively choosing to go to work.  You do not have to give into your feelings, but your thoughts will cause you to give into your feelings.  If you think, "I don't have to go to work because no one cares if I show up and I don't like my job so I will just use sick time"...then your feelings of "I don't feel like getting out of bed and going to work" will be justified and your behaviors will follow.  Changing your thoughts works in every area of your life, including in your relationships.  You will continue to settle for less if you believe (think) you deserve less and your feelings and behaviors will demonstrate those thoughts and beliefs.

You may be thinking that just changing your thoughts after decades of living a life in those thoughts is difficult.  You're right. It is difficult and it can seem impossible. And that is your current mindset talking. You have to take action on making a change without feeling it.  The feeling will follow the consistent actions.  

Thinking positive thoughts is a choice.  You cannot change your feelings, but you can change your thoughts and behaviors.  Changing your thoughts leads to a change in behavior, which inevitably leads to a change in feelings.  I challenge you to try it. 

Take one area of your life where you are not succeeding, where you are not happy, and evaluate your thoughts about the situation.  Write down your thoughts about it.  Then, change the language to positive, strength, ability based language.  This is where you challenge yourself to identify and speak about the positives in your situation, your strengths to overcome it, and your abilities to carry you through the storm.  When you resort to old thinking, correct it with the new language each time you have that old, negative thought.  When you confront your thoughts, you inevitably confront your behaviors, attitudes, and feelings.  You have to make a CHOICE to confront and change your thoughts and only then will you see the light of your transformation in the midst of the storm!

Power thoughts empower your life! 

xoxo Crystal

P.S. If you are having a difficult time and would like some extra help with making over your mindset and learning to tap into those power thoughts to empower and transform your life...I am here to help you.  Click here